Moving right along to the second part of Allison’s requested spam. Part I is here.
This part features the Liverpool midfielder Raul Meireles, who has been a breakout star in his first year with the club. He’s scored some really cracking goals, including this fantastic volley against Wolves, and the Lucas-Meireles partnership in the midfield is one of the best things that came out of Roy Hodgson’s otherwise horrendous tenure. Many supporters, myself included, feel that Meireles ought to be playing in central MF and not out on the side, but Kenny is indeed King and Lucas and Spearing have been playing well in the center as of late, while Meireles’ form has dipped, so perhaps it’s best to leave things as they are until the end of the season, and then worry about how to fit in Gerrard (once he’s fit—although I must say I agree with Iain Coyle over at Not Just a Matter of Life and Death when he says that Gerrard has consistently been one of our worst players this season), Meireles, Kuyt, and Lucas.
Enough rambling about tactics. You’re here for the pictures, aren’t you?
Meireles hails from Portugal and is a member of the Portuguese national team. I’m of the opinion that he’s actually pretty easy on the eyes. Plus, you know, he can kick a football and all that.
Unfortunately, the ProEvo makers did not do him any favors with this avatar…
…which, to be fair, has factual basis. Meireles has indeed sported some truly atrocious hair:
The fauxhawk.
The fuzzhawk.
The…whatever the hell this is.
Even his teammates are appalled.
“What do you mean, my hair doesn’t look good? You’re Cristiano Ronaldo! You define poorly styled hair!”
He has since shaved his head after arriving at Liverpool, and I think it’s the best look for him.
“Not only do my teammates actually speak to me now, they’re even willing to touch my head!”
But does he have tattoos, you ask?
And how.
His wife has quite a few tattoos of her own, actually. She’s on the far right in this picture. (Side note: how fly are Pepe Reina, Glen Johnson, and Dirk Kuyt? They’re the three guys in sunglasses standing next to Meireles’ wife. Meireles is creeping in the back, FYI.)
Being the astute observer you are, you might deduce from the previous pictures, especially the one above, that Meireles has something of a hipster-like vibe to him. Weird hair, affinity for tattoos, pouty smirk in every picture, and seeming appreciation of ill-fitting, striped clothing. Well, I’m here to tell you that you are completely wrong. Raul Meireles is not, in fact, kind of a hipster.
He is a huge hipster.
Photographic evidence! (And more fashion crimes, so if you’re sensitive to that kind of thing, avert your eyes.)
The newsboy cap. The plaid newsboy cap.
These pants should be burned in an incinerator, and the ash should be stored in a high-level hazardous waste repository for the next ten thousand years to protect the human race. And my eyes.
(Confession: I just reviewed the solid, toxic, and hazardous waste chapter in my AP Environmental Science book.)
Glen Johnson, looking dapper as usual. But Raul…I cannot even. Those electric blue skinny jeans. The awkwardly low-cut t-shirt with mermaids (?) on it. The cardigan, a weird blend between a woman’s coat and the sweater my grandfather wears to go curling. Just. No. None of it, and especially not all at one time.
Better. Much better. Once again, how fine/fresh/fierce is Glen Johnson (far right)? But I have no idea what’s up with Andy Carroll’s shorts.
With his wife. And wearing some pretty egregious hipster glasses.
Look at this fucking hipster.
The pinnacle of his hipsterdom comes in the form of this article from the blog Fisted Away, entitled “Hipster Raul Meireles only joined Liverpool ‘ironically.’” Definitely worth a read.
And so concludes your introduction to Raul Meireles. I realized that this ended up being as much about his hair and hipster status as his tattoos…but you’re big kids, right? You can
Despite my best efforts to keep this brief, I think I’m going to have to do a third part involving miscellaneous players I like against my better judgment and some bad tattoos. Oh, this is way too much fun.
